I would have hit the road and never looked back
I would have packed my bags and ran
I would have left, hitched a ride or spent my money on a one way ticket
but now I cant
not since Ive met you

Just as i come to terms with things it comes crawling back into my head...

help me... i dont understand... what am i suppose to do... what do you want from me... i have nothing to give... you know that... i know that... all i ever wanted was to just ... all i ever wanted since the point of realising how important you are... how much i needed and wanted you... i cant keep walking without just knowing in my head you are there... i belive you are there yes... but some how i cant feel you there... nothing i do seems right... everythings looks gd for a time then it always takes a turn for the worse... why is this happening... no... i knwo why this is happening... but when will it stop... i dont see the light at the end of the tunnel... i want to do things i want to run for you... but somehow it feels like you arnt letting me... why? ... im tired... really am... but then not quite so... I just want to get off this round-about and onto the road again... Ive got a car full of petrol... shwo me which way to go...

or have i already missed the turn a thousand times?

they are leaving... going... why cldnt I... why didnt I... its past and gone... i cant change it... but i have to know if that was a turn i was to take... no... it wldnt matter but to make me feel worse if it was... i cant look forward an i... i cldnt come to you even tho u probably called... open ur door and sat at the porch for me... i cldnt... i didnt... yea well... if ud materialize and sit right next to me on my sofa now ... tt wld be nice... cuz i jsut want to cry... say nth but cry... i dont do that enough... no... dont need my bike fixed... just someone to sit and watch me cry

Hmm this blog is full of spelling errors. Not to mention the infinite amount of typos' too.

Crud... I don't care...

You know my heart
only you know whats within
the secrets
the pain
the shame
the fantasy
My mind is a whirl of emotions unfamiliar
An anchor for stability
I seek
I desire
I desperately need

You, the only constant,
my life's one pure beauty.
The lone star in my vast darkened sky.

tittering and on edge
dancing upon the blade of insanity
if I were to fall
will you be there to catch me

lingering and staring
mesmerized as I lay eyes on you simply
if I were to ask
will you kiss me

Impromptu outing last Sunday (not yesterday.. the wk b4) checked out some furniture down at Holland V. Saw a candlestand that'll work... very nice. Cheap cushions too... nice fabric... Popped in Breko while waiting for the lot... then over to the Eski bar... right, wonder how long I'd last in shorts and tee in the sub-zero room hahah... probably turn into a bloody ice lolly hah!
Actually went and read the Iliad and the Odyssey....Finally.
Gotta start on me Greek again. This is actually tougher than Chinese heh. man.


So many words, so much time, so little patience... Weather's not helping... not the least bit...
AC units on the blink... all four of em... the Muses have yet to return from their vacation... them ladies are just taking their own sweet time now arnt they...
tuneless...
tuneless...
tuneless...
...
..
.

Woot! Finally having that damn bbq. Was starting to wonder if it was just all talk again. Warm breeze, hot food, good booze, pretty stars and mates. Pls hold back the clouds God. Pls Pls Pls. Sounds like a smashing time. Now if only things will go as planned heh. Better top up that lighter or we'll have a repeat performance of the last bbq.

Penang. Im just going to go with the flow. IMO I do find "meet the family sessions" rather droll. Plus seriously now, "first impressions are cheap auditions" no? Heh. Plastic smiles and self introductions, presumptions and sweeping generalisations... not exactly my idea of a relexing 'vacation'... not even a pretend one. If one has to try and relex oneself... one is already doing too much work to actually be relexing. But hey if it means tt much to him. Im there. Ohana yea?

...
...Fan on high

I really should stop walking into HMV 'just to kill time'. It's killing my wallet too.
Recent indulgence includes The Who, Joni Mitchell, Scissor Sisters, Artic Monkeys, Amy Winehouse, Barenaked Ladies. Old stuff. Almost made off with KT tunstall too but have decided that I'll just raid my friend's cd rack.

Finally found out the bloody tune I was humming all the time is from "Por Una Cabeza". Lovely lovely tune.

Borrowed Nabucco from the Esp Lib. Joy!

Finally plunked meself down on the couch and watched 'Perfume'. I felt cheated. Probably due to the fact that I throughly enjoyed the book back when I first read it and was expecting the same vivid mental pictures from the movie. I was left cold. Maybe Im not being fair but honestly now, the movie lacked the same intensity the book had. It was too narrative and rather blend compared to the book really. I couldnt sit still after an hr. Maybe ya'll should stop ruining good books and well, marvel comics too for that matter. For those of you who thought the movie was fantastic, chilling, gripping and invocative... read the book. Read!

...
... I should chain my phone to me person.

guilt trip over.

I understand now.

Was always drawing it from you.

Gotta do that now...

Being conscious about it doesnt make it any easier though heh ;)

Rain how apt. Shit day... have done absolutely nothing right. Hit me over the head and get it done with I say.

Maybe I should stop psychoanalysing myself... guilt is my least fav emotion.

I hate what I've been today. Its pathetic. Moody. Slow. Pessimist. Weak. Selfdoubting. I would punch myself if I saw me walking down the road.

What has become of me? Never would I have thought that this day would come.

Y: I saw myself in the mirror
X: yeah that's what they're generally used for
Y: what?
X: mirrors
Y: what about them?
X: ?!? you said you saw yourself in the mirror
Y: yea this morning
X: so I said 'that's what they're generally used for
Y: used for what?
X: ack!! looking at oneself!
Y: mornings?
X: *faints*

"Muse>Tango: Off for a vacation"

nooo.... dont leave me!

Hey you
same old, nothing new. well nothing of significant importance anyway. I did however got to know of this dark chocolate covered coffee beans that hahah... really does have soem kick in it. (yea yea i know it aint new... I just havnt seen them ard alright heh). oh jitters... kinda co-lead no... er more like sang 2 songs for worship during the leaders meeting.
Ayee... its funny methinks. Really, ask me stand up infront of a crowd and sing i have no problem with, its just that worship's a different ball game no? Im pretty good at performing if I might so boldly say but when it comes to worship its not the same right? lol. I hesitate cause I don't wanna just be 'performing' which is what im familiar with... I actually do wanna have an antenna reaching out and up to God.

Heard Tanya's 2 demos on her myspace today. Damn Im missing her stuff. Be praying for the day another Eng. album of hers'll hit the shelves. Go T!!
Btw: YAMIE!!! Desp. tryin to contact you woman... if by some miricle you see this, do drop me a text. Ive lost my phone along with your number and I want my "Bored" album *grin* and of course to keep in contact with you heh. But i do really want the "Bored" album.

ayyee...long day long day... *hums*its a hard day's night*
ohoh...its been exhilarating though. Never thought Id have so much fun in a chinese svc .(considering I don't really know what the bleeding hell is going LoL) language barrier you see.
Ok I was rather "gan chiong" at the start of one of the songs and completely and utterly forgot the strumming pattern. And I had no clue from the drummer either cuz it was my intro haha. Richard took one look at me face and he knew I forgot. Well I figured it out 2 bars into the first verse heh. Thank God. And thanks to ya'll for that lil prayer u said for me :)
But yea... it was great... much less jittery.Worship I did. And the butterflies who decided to infest my stomach during the G12 Women's worship have left me alone this time. For which I am grateful for my colourful fluttery friends. Leave me be till I call thee.

well... joy

-Tango
(serene)

Being able to lay it all.. and I mean all, and know that all your skills, talents, money, wahtever, came from Him and Him alone isnt being weak or dependable. Fact is without depending on Him we're absolutely nothing. Without Him we ARE nothing. For those who have known me for a long time now you know this isnt what ol Tango wld say but this is exactly what I would say now. I would have never taken into account things which are not plausible or to say I need anyone... but I do... We all do. And don't get me worng.. I'm smiling my lips off i say say this. It is an incredible feeling to know that He is watchign over you. Sitting there beside you. Like seriously feel it in your heart and soul His presence. I mean, at the risk of sounding cliche here, words cannot discribe it. Success doesnt get to our head, failure doesnt linger in you heart. As long as I know that Im walking in the centre of His will is all that matters to me now. And if you think thats an easy feat well... "I mean hey tts a simple life mate" heh think again really... its far from it... I gotta connect whats in my head with my heart... knowing it isnt just enough... everyones got thier 'stronghold'... this is... was mine...

I walked away,
planned my life and left,
told Daddy I'll be back someday.
Just, Im all grown up so I think its time
for me to go my way.
I know right from wrong,
won't stray too far,
you know im wise,
you know im strong.
Your lil girl's gonna shake the grounds.
I'll be back someday.
Just time I played this game my way.
Pass the gates and off the narrow road
took a left to Windser Els.
Got lost in the town seemed like forty years,
nothings gone right,
looks like this is what they call
hitting the ground.
What the hell was wrong with me
what possesed me to think,
that all my success
was just me and my strength,
that Daddy had no hand in it.
Ive shed enough tears
felt enough pain
laid down my bloody pride

learnt life's lesson the hard way.

With new revalation
and a faith shaken and strengthen
this rebels finally coming home Daddy,
and shes coming home to stay.
- Tango

March 2007

~Night Divine~
You broke the silence with your entrance
A grand awakening to my soul.
Cutting through the darkened night,
your movements a whisper in the wind.
Alluring me with your intoxicating scent,
you assault my senses completly.
Your touch gentle and light,
never lingering,
leaves me aching,
shivering for more.
You envelope me, molding against my skin
we breathe our breaths as one.
Burning this night and its sensation
into our minds as divine memories it will become.
Now into this comfertable silence we settle,
our breaths the only sound.
Though beyond the horizon hints your painful departure
I know we'll be one again
when darkness comes around.
- Tango

2004

Like a knife dripping with animosity so strong it kills

Slowly it slices thru every fibre and tendon,

every muscle and sinew.

Unto which it finds,

the heart of the matter

plunging into thee

A crimson mess

A black rose left

The black rose,

a bad omen,

The Wise Lady of Death

its true self unknown to all.

That beyond its black petals,

beyond the melacholy,

so deep a red rose springs forth and blooms.

So dark a shade of red it mystifies. So full in color it beutifies.

A comfort of sorts which i might find... which i will find ............

A Black Rose.

-Tango

2004

In solitude I dwell

drained and used .

Barren is my soul

longing yet again,

to be set on fire.

Beyond the dunes a shadow

a body of solace

long awaited acquaintance your

let your presence grace this shattered home.

-Tango

Walls built, fortressed my heart

alone to ponder

Safe?

Surprised than how it crumbled

one touch

yours

all it takes.

Relief took over,

a welcomed change,

unfortunate tho it departed.

fleeting yes,

frustration sets,

joy attained forgottened.

Trapped by walls a heart of ice

A single tear a silent cry

Into the sky, I draw freedom

The sea, its waters calms

Tho soothing at a moments notice tho peace washes over.

Linger it shan't

Linger it won't

-Tango

2004

~Laid to rest upon a bed of petals,
The ocean calling in the distance.
Carried like a queen towards the bekoning waters,
Solemn are their faces.

Dry your eyes, let ye tears not fall,
for this the end it shant be.
Tho thy future includes me not,
Let our happy memories live.~

- Tango

2004

I hav to say this...i cant contain it....i nd all to know...
...
..
.
..
...

JESUS! I LOVE YOU!

ok. Hmm. On an entirely different note... had cell this week... talked abt having a vision , perserverence...dreams, visions...how God can mold our dreams into his vision... Something abt meeting us halfway. My dream? ... I want to be on stage, in front of a massive audience, Broadway, a west end theater... to be an actor, a singer... a dancer?... have my own star on Hollywood boulevard? ... use all tt for God? I really do...want to be able to use all tt for God.
.........................................................................................


It said tt we shld ask God to give us a passion for the lost...and really sometimes, for the love of go..er..peanuts, I have no clue how some will start crying while praying for some total stranger... tt just escapes me. Really it does

Well, I certainly cant say I now have an immense passion for the lost, but I think I got a small taste of what its like just know. I cannot ,do not understand how many say they cant find Nirvana , peace, wodeva u choose to call it, but yet continue to say tt they still arnt ready to jump into the arms of One who can give them all tt they seek...someone who will fill tt void in their souls. Was talking to a friend of mine, and well 'religion' popped up. You know, maybe because shes a friend, and I do already care for her....but I just cant help but feel an ache in my heart that she feels like a "lost sheep" but yet still isnt 'ready'. So I told her tt it was fine if we not talk abt it now ,if you're not ready... Suddenly i song popped into my haed so i shared it with her...


Before the world began, you were on His mind
and every tear you cry, is precious in His eyes
Because of His great love, He gave His only son
everything was done so you would come

Come to the Father, tho you gift is small
open hearts open lives He will take them all
the power of His word , the power of His life
everything was done so would come
(yea we know this song dont we)

I suppose the words to tt song never hit as hard as it did just know...when I was half way through typin it... I suddenly felt little warm droplets cascading down my cheeks... well lets just say those droplets turned to streams.. get? yes I did look quite silly trying to type while wiping furiously at my face...sort of like trying to drive with your hand sticking out the windown wiping the windscreen. anyways...I...I just.....I ...urgh! ok, it just really hurts that she cant find the peace she see seeks... *sigh*
guess i'll just continue P.U.S.H -ing

Than theres this other friend of mine, new believer, abt 2 mths old. Shes going to her church's bible study grps and mid week and all tt...but she really doesnt look anywhere near ...er... 'guided'. example? Once we had a convo with a fellow believer and she was questioning faith, how its like politics, comparing it to this and tt... how its like God dangles a carrot infront of us, with the promise of eternal life tt He's the only way.... so ppl believe cuz of tt incentive... I shld have just told her the verse abt how carnal man er....er..oh now I remember why I didnt...cuz I cant remember the whole exact verse... (time to get back to doin memory verses) ... anyway, u know which verse im referring to right? ...Sometimes I see her sitting there, looking like shes got the world on her mind... man! I just you know, tell her to lay it all at the cross... believe with whats in here *points to heart*.... not with whats in here *points to head*

tts something which I have to constantly kick myself in the arse over too... Well... *exhales*

Love
tango

Oh dearie me... how long has it been? since june? *counts* 6 bloody mths? how looong indeed i say.
Its been half a yr since my last update. Half a bleeding yr this has laid dormant, waiting silently for a new lease of life. Well now...i cant exactly say...i cant guaratee tt i'll constantly update this - simply beacuse im way too busy and i really see no point in doing thoes day-to-day updates. *groan* I'll try my darndest to put somethign up frm time to time aye.

Anyhoo... the Os are over, as many do know... unfortunatly so is Joseph *sniff*. Heh bloody thing always makes me tear up. I do seriously miss the reharsals and them little get-togethers b4 and after reharsals. Miss the teachers, miss mic checks... yes im sounding pretty much like a sorry sob right abt now. O well...

Back to sch every tues (in due time, weds) and thurs to help the choir... cant seem to part with that sordid place now can I... hahah wretched sch, even post-graduation i am still a loyal slave to thee.

Alright than, i guess tts all for now. Dotn want to bloody over do it now aye...

ta~

with love
-Tango

p.s hey TPE hows the blue?? like it? *evil laugh*

p.p.s hey u, yea u there young fella. On the off chance u're reading this, cld u pls , for the love of....urgh..just stop walking on eggshells ard me ok. (yea im talking to you...the one whos DVD im abt to wear out)

Everybody grows old, how many actually grow up?
 
One would probably realise by now that everytime im in here complaining about something  like that *points to sentence above*...it bloody has something to do with my parents. "not again??" you say. Well things like that happen, like a broken record. Rather laughable  this time round. Childish behaviour present too.
In short this is wod happened. Car batt went flat. Hung ard for about 30 mins. Cldnt jump start the thing. Sandra, Crystal and I took a cab home first. Dad called.   Mom got pissed at him cuz he told her the mechenic said tt he porbably didnt connect the jump start cables properly. She dented the car (stupid and bloody childish). Hasnt come home yet. My dad is worried sick.

Now isnt that one of the dumbest thign ever. Oh btw, the mechenic was wrong abt my dad doin the cable wrong. Man~  brainless activity on the rise.
 
 
oh on a happy note....flag day on sat was mostly fun *smilez*.
 
love
serene

hey all. im back frm the great beyond. Just managed to untangle myslef frm my selfconsuming web of music and dance...also known as the daily '3-8 under the stars reharsals'. 'hectic' barely cuts it. However, being ard the mates ,who so happened to have gotten really close after 8 mths of reharsals, makes it a whole lot more sufferable. Not forgeting here that im doing what i love. :)

oh btw, for thoes who didnt get the news. IM SINGING ON THE 28th of AUG!! I GOT THE PART!! and like i said....thnx for praying :)

on to more pressing matters... leeches!

yup the stick to you, suck your blood, benefit frm it, while you dont get anything out of the whole deal. MyMyMy~

anyways, reacently 2 new leeches have just attached themselves to me. My gawd are they pesky lil imps. They seem to enjoy hanging ard me and pester me abt anything and everything...unfortuantely they have taken a special intrest in my 'love life'. Its rather embaressing especially when they scream frm across the corridor just to say "HI"!! o well. I reckon they'll make a very gd paparazzi team. i've been trying to dodge them for the past few days but nth seems to be working.

drats i gotta stop here for now...mom wants me in bed. Problem is i cant slp....but she doesnt noe tt now does she....

with love
serene

Gone.

Hey i've cooked up another blog, just for my "writings". ya noe wod i mean. I'll update tt regularly with new poems, and old ones just to keep things moving. site's ....


www.explicitpassion.blogspot.com


do tell me wod u think of the idea...tho u shld noe by noe i'll still have it up no matter what you say :p
*jk* comments are gladly welcomed

cheerio
Tango

Recent events have brought to my attention some questions about the emotional and matuarity level of the young ladies in my presense. One of which is their idea of romantic fantasy like realationships. qoute " but i feel so lonely, i need some one to hold, i nd someone to confort me and love me. Theirs a void in me that nds to be filled." Dahling~ you my dear have been reading to many romance novels and watchig more than your share of melodramatic movies. And nd I tell you, your -16+. how far in this fantasy of yours can u go...cuz frankly unless you are gonna shag the guy these "love" fantasy istn gonna happen. On another note. guys our age arnt as muture both mentally and emotionally so dont get your hopes up on a romantic "prince charming sweepin you off your feet" kinda romance. Get a hold of youself!!! For thoes who gets thier heart broken and jumps straight headfirst into another relationship are just plain STUPID and are askin for it. For thoes other 16 yr old lasses who are waitin for thier prince charming at this stage shld get a life get a hobby go mug somethin...anythin...
Now im not saying tt thoes who are in a relationship now are stupid or idtiots....if you have been happy for a long long time...you most probably know what your doing. Gd on ya mate. Be careful. To the rest....refrain frm doin so pls...you've got yrs down the road to find ur "dahlin" .

Heres another problem ive encountered (gurl im not arrowing you k. others have been tellin me tt thier havin the same problem). so you say you guys are best friends, hes ur listenin ear , vice-verser. You guys understand each other so well. Both are the other's shoulder to cry on. Next thing you kow...rumours are spreadin tt one likes the other in more than a friend kinda way...and u start thinkin...what if. what if we get together. since we know each other so well....best freinds after all. What if......your heads tellin you that it so might work. But do u 2 really like each other in that way if not for the rumours and the thought that you are feeling empty(refer above paragraph). Trust me i know how it feels. Big dilemma!! 2 things can happen....it actually works and kudos for you. or.....there goes your friendship...you may say you guys will still be friends...but will it still be the same. can you confirm it wont be awkward? can u guys still seat shoulder to shoulder without feeling awkward? can you guys put ur arms over each other's shoulder without feeling wierd?....will you still be able to snuggle and chill and share your problems? Are u emotionally prepared? wod abt mentally? Is it worth risking this friendship that was once so close and confertable.....im not gonna comment weither you should or should not....just wanted to share my 2 cents, some things which you might wanna think abt before "saying something stupid like I love you"

hey dotn get the wrong idea...if you guys/gals still nd someone to talk to you have my number :)

love always
serene

p.s sh*t i feel like aunt agony or somethin....LoL *ewwwwwwww*

Hey all. I've got the coolest b'dae prezzie ever...haha..... guess wod i got?? anyone?? anyone at all?? well.....i've got a pair of hand cuffs! lol. *get your mind out of the gutter ok* yea well...lotsa ppl have been givin me the whole "kinky" "bondage" thing..haha...i gotta fess up tts exactly the first thing that came to mind when i saw it.....shows how "pure" and "innocent" our 'young' minds really ar arye. *grin* anyways...totally awesome..looks bloody real...i tried to lock myself up with it too *haha* .... and no i did not mean it in that sense.... *double grin* i'll show it to ya'll another time.... ciao for now..

love
serene

This past wks i've been feeling better...alil lighter less burdened... I was finally "fine", or so i thought.
I was talking to someone the other day, abt wod i was feeling a couple mths back. And so it hit me that i didnt really get rid of everything. I just buried myself in stuff, sch, reharsals, other peoples problems, so i didnt have to think abt my own. I thought i got rid of those sorry buggers but i didnt..they're still lurking somewhere . Now im not saying tt im feeling as bad as i was thoes bloody mths...i am ,like i said, feeling better, much. But i seriously honestly just want to be able to enjoy life again...as they say... life IS rather short now isnt it. I missed the times where i had nth botherin me. constant migranes i can do without too. Sleepness nights unwanted. So yea happy happy joy joy. Just keep me in your prayers...whoever it is tts reading. Thank you :) Beacuse i still have a lil more to settle.
Anyways...if you see me ard not lookin my best....a pat on the back or a hug is greatly appreciated :)

love,
ME

*bump* Charity Car Wash tmr. $5 per car. If you want a wax job u gotta pay more! haha..... yea my class is collecting for the Straits times sch pocket money fund. :)

Yesterday...or last night rather, a great weight has been lifted off my shoulders. A great shift of paradigm. I dont know how or when exactly...but it suddenly hit me last night during service. "What the hell is wrong with me. Im giving myself way too much pressure. I've been nth but jumpy the last wks. Nth but paranoid. I literally jumped when my phone rings. Its not bloody worth it. She's not bloody worth it. This thing's not bloody worth it." And after all this time...i finally found the courage to say... "God, I put this into your hands! Grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change. Courage to change the things i can. And some darn wisdom to know the bloody difference. Into your hands i place this situation."
Tts that. Final step (i hope)....30th April. Doesnt matter wod happens. WOdeva it is..... friends we still are....nths gonna change tt :) *grin* man...tts sounded real corny...haha...nevertheless its the truth....

Tiny Dancer

Blue jean baby, L.A lady
She was the seamstress for the band
Pretty eyes, pirate smile
She'll marry a music man
Ballerina, you must've seen her
dancing in the sand
And now she's in me, always with me
Tiny dancer in my hand

Jesus freaks, out in the street
Handing tickets out for God
Turning back she just laughs
The boulevard is not that bad
Piano man, he makes her stand
In the auditorium
Looking on she sings the song
The words she knows
The tune she hums

But oh how it feels so real
Lying here, with no one near
Only you, and you can hear me
When I say softly, slowly

Hold me closer tiny dancer
Count the headlights on the highway
Lay me down in sheets of linen
You had a busy day today
(repeat)

Blue jean baby, L.A lady
She was the seamstress for the band
Pretty eyed, pirate smile
you married a music man
Ballerina, you must've seen her,
dancing in the sand
And now she's in me, always with me
Tiny dancer in my hand

But oh how it feels so real
Lying here with no one near
Only you and you can hear me
When I say softly, slowly

(originally by elton john)

u noe how when you say that noe one understands what you or what you are saying....than ppl just roll their eyes....
well....let me say this.. They DONT understand me. well atleast that fella and that women sitting 5 feet away doesnt. basket...and they wonder why i dont tell them stuff. Bloody hell. Anyway how would i aspect them to understand....he doesnt noe wod its like to be totally submerged in something ie. a play ..... just quit lar...he says...bullshit....if it was that easy i wont be having a problem now would I....Hogwash boulderdash....they realli should bugger off you noe....tt would atleast allow me some peace....spoil my day. But realli how do tell your teacher that u think she is not doin her job properly, and that she is deaf...well she is....women cant even tell if they ppl are flat or out of tune. *censored*...And mind you im not being bias or prejudice...Ppl in the cast do agree with me. And maybe *censored* 2 cents...and i do not noe much abt singing like *censored*....but i sure as hell noe a flat note when i hear one....Yea this may sound egotitical and self centered...but I do think i can do a better job than *censored*....yes i do. ANd i wish some one wld listen to me when iam giving me 3 cents.....maybe i've got to tell *censored* for it to work...hmml....
Anyways.....Apologize for acting wierd these days....have been rather jumpy.

love
-tango

*edited.... share the truth with love* - 060307

I fear a great depression .
An unforseen gloom
,that only a few weeks ago seemed so distant,
threatening clarity.
The air reaks of it.
I can feel it in the people,
I can feel it in me.
A pivotal point in this episode.
Time slows as it aproaches.
Every 'tick' a resounding boom against my chest.
Within me,
a lake once abundant, now lay desolate;
a parch desert void of emotion.
So forgive me i ask of you
if i am distant.
For in confussion i ponder
...as what i saw is not what i am about to recieve.

tango

hey. ever thought that you are alone and noones watching. well not exactly alone alone..more like u are just being ur normal self and everyting ard u is normal. yea well. than u suddenly realise that its not. that ppl ARE watching...closely, intently...waiting for you to make your next move. than u realise truely what it means to cause and effect. and sometimes the "effect" isnt something tt u would like happen. its creepy. sorta like somethin out of the x-files...think some where in season 2...opps side tracked, sorry. i think im just being paranoid...and no this piece has nth to do abt me...its just a thought. tt has been triggered. :) everyone has responsibillities...tho different frm one person to another...each as impt as the next. heh. and sometimes there are thoes hidden responsibillities that we have but dont noe until it comes round and bites u in the butt. get wod i mean...yea well..........................

cheers
-serene

ps/ btw....does anybody really noe wod "cheers" actually mean .....just a thought cuz i've been seeing it alot lately....and yes i do noe wod it means...if u were wonderin...sorry just beein an ass like i usually am.

oh hi again...u noe wod...i've decieded...no point makin it aniworse...might as well just suck it up and go thru with it...wod doesnt kill is onli gonna make me stronger :) ....

you noe wod...forget all my complains....i take them all back...sigh

helo. explicit language: Parental advisory. *today i cannot careless*
my joy was short lived folks. bloody hell. ya'll heard of shingles...well yours truley has em...
i dont noe if im pissed off or...u noe wod im not pissed off...just realli realli sad....seriously why am i the one in the whole freakin family that always fall sick. i've got a stomach problem since i was young, i've had dengue fever, im the one who always gets scraps and cuts .....bloody fuck. i tell ya...this totally suck. i feel like my skin is burning.my left side is raw...my shirt feels like sand paper against it. and mind u i take pain just fine...but this is crap. my heart feels like its crampin up. i cant breath properly.i cant sleep on my right nor my left....niether can i slp on my back..and i've got em rash on my chest too...so how?? levitate ar.....bloody bleedin soddin fuck!!!! ARGH. sigh~ im gonna be real real real real bored.

too many things happenin at the same time. too many. its just pathetic and sad.

guess hwos back guess whos back guess whos back......

hello ya'll!
ORLANDO WAS AWESOME!! didnt win the cash tho harhar... Disney was great. HUGE man...HUGE.... Universal was cool.... oh and the coke, dr pepper, pizzas *sluuuuuuurrrrrrp* yummy. and one thing i've noticed..they dont beliee in givin u small portions....food comes in mega sizes haha

yawn...darn...its 4 am ....i think i beta to knock out.. :) continue again on sat... :))

-happy tango

helo...stop over at HK now....got 2hrs to kill... airports aint veri excitin haha. Headin to san fran next b4 i reach my destination.man is the plane ride a bore. cant use my phone...for obvious reasons...haha. had to amuse (sp?) myself. think i've got anothes 17 hrs to go. oh if ur wonderin...they provide free internet services at the airport...coolies. tho im not use to a mac. lookin like an idiot here -_-'" so aniways...if i can get my hands on a com anytime after this there'll be another msg :) oh and msgin frm florida aint gonna b a prob...its 60cents each....aint too bad...haha. better not let mah dad see this...*looks ard*.

be missin ya
cheers
-me

Ok so i'll be off soon...will be back in abt 15 days i think...
hmm...even tho im excited to be headin there ....convention and all... i cant help but miss home...and of course my buddies...and the smsin....darn..and its only for 2 wks.... sigh... just wrote another poem/song wodeva u wanna call it...more like lyrics...cuz there aint noe chords o music to it yet...haha well if i can get my hands on a com over the other side....i'll post it :)

o well...pls pray for safety, less anxiety...wanna leave my worries back here...or get rid of em all together lar....haha.....be happy... rite "it" :p ohoh pray for the grande prize ....

be missin ya'll
with love
-serene

frustration aside...im tokin abt somethin diff todae
awhile back someone asked me why i like Tanya. I cldnt realli come up with much on the spot. But than it got met hinkin...why do i like tanya, who probalby more than half the world doesnt noe, soooo much. yea well she cant realli sing. i got ur point. :P
well...this is why....it doesnt matter if she can sing anot...i like the sound of her voice. Theres is a thang an edge to it that i like. Sometimes its breathy, sorta i-dont-have-a-care-in-the-world, laid back feel. than u got the rocker chick feel, like in "just like the movies". Than u got the quiet demure muture sound...somethin like in "Hello God".

Next thing i like abt her is a lyrics...wod can i say but wow.... meaningful, veri nicely written. she writes good...

i realli dont noe how to put it...its like i like the whole pakage ya noe....shes a real nice person, she writes damn good songs, and i like the way she sounds. So there. :) im not a groupie....i dont like just cos i like her...

...............................................TANGO..................................

Today was cool man...sunday...wow..i love sundays....and saturdays for that matter. (drat, tmrs monday...moday blues haha) G12 confrence waz good....worship was great :) tho i have to confess i did feel bored a few times when they were tokin....opps....o well...it was a nice experience...good to know wod this G12 is about :)


with love
-Tango-

p.s ..."it", i was realli tempted to have told you just now....but i didnt think it was the right time....oh man. :p

p.p.s Thank God to have "it" as a friend :) real blessed.

this song....lovely lyrics and well...i've been replayin it in my head these past wks....somehow the words and the feel of the music just seem to speak to me......happy sigh~

~Still~
Hide me now
Under your wings
Cover me
Within Your mighty hands

When the ocean rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father you are King over the floods
And i will be still and know your God

Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know his power
in quietness and trust

*Happy Post* :) sort of anyway......

I've got this feeling today..... Like somethin has been lifted of my chest. Something realli heavy. Ahhh....Joy

oh and er...no poem this time....Got some verses instead.....got it while doin my quiet time this mornin.....and yes, this is that which made me feel the way i do today :)

Psalm 20:1-5

For the director of music. A psalm of David.

1 May the LORD answer you when you are in distress;
may the name of the God of Jacob protect you.
2 May he send you help from the sanctuary
and grant you support from Zion.
3 May he remember all your sacrifices
and accept your burnt offerings. Selah
4 May he give you the desire of your heart
and make all your plans succeed.
5 We will shout for joy when you are victorious
and will lift up our banners in the name of our God.
May the LORD grant all your requests.

with love
-TANGO-

Patience serene....patience.... well i'm trying darn it....and after months its starting to eat me from the inside. What am i to do...pls pls pls pls God help me!!!!!! sigh~
............................................................TANGO...............................................................

Im really tired. in every sense of the word. i havnt had a gd nights slp in a while and its really taken a toll on my body and mind. i've got to try realli hard when doin my stuff...cant seem to concentrate at all. my insides feel messed up and i havnt got a slightest clue wod to do. Pent up frustration isnt exactly one of my favourate emotions you noe. I feel like im choking up. ARGH!
sigh~ i'm totally drained...i'm lacking now....wod more do u want...thats all i have....sigh~
.......................................................................... TANGO ..............................

OKOK big news again!!! remember my poem thingy . yea well i'm goin to the convention in march.(orlando florida. walt disney.) they are givin me a trophy and a madellion and a cert. Whoohoo. Editor's choice award!! 11" by 17" silver trophy on a rosewood base. And on top of the publication thingy the poem was one of 33 poems thant got chosen to be read by a professional (wodeva that means) and recorded into a 3 CD set. ahhahaha... and since i'm below the age of 18, i stand to win a 1000USD scholorship award. AINT IT BLOODY BRILLIANT! and and and... i stand to win the grand prize of $20000USD . WHOOHOO. . Thankx God!.
i'm totally psyched!

with love
tango